Skip to main content

ATTENTION: This site is no longer active but remains as an archive.

Iraq Veterans Against the War has become About Face: Veterans Against the War. About Face can be found at aboutfaceveterans.org

Iraq Veterans Against the War

Join IVAW

Donate to IVAW

  • About
    • Founding of IVAW
    • Mission, Values, and Vision
    • War in Afghanistan
    • Why We Are against the Wars
    • Resolutions
    • IVAW Timeline
    • Board of Directors
    • Advisory Committee
    • Staff
  • Events
  • Campaigns
    • Operation Recovery
    • Winter Soldier
      • Breakdown of the Military
      • Civilian Testimony
      • Corporate Pillaging
      • Cost of War at Home
      • Crisis in Veterans Healthcare
      • Future of GI Resistance
      • Gender and Sexuality
      • Legacy of GI Resistance
      • Racism and War
      • Response to DoD
      • Rules of Engagement
      • Press Coverage
      • Press Releases
    • Right to Heal
  • Members
  • Resources
    • AWOL
    • Active Duty
    • Conscientious Objector
    • Depleted Uranium
    • History of Resistance
    • IRR Reactivation
    • Lariam
    • PTSD
    • Profiles of Resisters
    • Resources for Veterans
    • Stop Loss
    • Women's Resources
    • Mesothelioma
  • Press
  • Contact
    • Press
    • Speaker Request

Why?

published by Garett Reppenhagen on 01/13/15 11:48am

While (I was) deployed as a sniper in the US Army 1st Infantry Division in the Diyala River Valley in Iraq I authored a mil-blog with a group of soldiers that started to turn against the mission. The blog was called “Fight to Survive” or “FTS”.  It was a vent to rant about our distaste for the brutality and oppression we were (a) part of. The blog highlighted the absurdity of modern warfare and our ongoing attempts to live through a year in the bloodiest times of the US occupation of Iraq. It was about making it through while holding on to some semblance of humanity while “Fucking The System” with the entire military chain of command opposing us. With paper clips attached to our uniforms we conspired, expressed and made it home alive. What I didn’t realize was the real fight to survive (had) just begun.  I felt the Bush administration tried to kill me for one long year, so I dedicated myself to the fellowship of Iraq Veterans Against the War and fought back. I put down the M4 and picked up banners. I was angry. It felt great to take to the streets, to yell and scream and march with a group of veterans that shared my spite. We had creative resistance, direct action, and guerrilla street theater. We were arrested, spit on and rejected as traitors, and it was fun. What did it accomplish? Maybe we helped slide the country away from support for the conflicts in the middle east, or maybe the growing casualty count and the economic impact did that alone. One thing it did do was save my life. 

I sit through boring VA circles listening to horror stories about pain and guilt, fear and shame. Bathed in sanitary white light sitting on folding chairs are my brothers and sisters, they are in my dreams and memories wearing browns and tans and dirt. They are all there because a loved one gave them an ultimatum, get help or get out. They look tired, annoyed, hopeless. When it is my turn to talk I explain the illegal nature of the occupation and how the causes were fraudulent, the conduct despicable and the consequences critical. I get the look. The “you know you aren’t allowed to go there” look. I have nothing else to say.  I can’t bring up the child that exploded because she unknowingly carried a bomb in her school bag and how her foot landed next to me on the other side of the Humvee. I can’t talk about how we murdered off duty Iraqi Army guys working on the side as deputy governor body guards because they looked like insurgents. I can’t talk about blowing the head off an old man changing his tire because he might have been planting a roadside bomb. I can’t talk about those things without talking about why we did it. 

When I ask the guys in Walter Reed about their experience I can see the question in the back of their thousand yard stare. Back there behind the noble cause, the mission first, the pride they receive from their uncles. Behind the cowboy up, behind the American flag, behind the GI Joe is the question looming. If given voice the fragile shroud of sanity they have left might wash away and it will strip everything except the one thing left, the question why. Why did I lose my limb? Why did I lose my faith? Why did I lose my friends? Why did I lose my innocence? Why  did I lose my soul? The reasons behind going to war and living through hell is fundamental in how a warrior processes the trauma they experienced, especially the trauma (that) was inflicted by them. SO when you can’t ask the question in a professional mental health scenario you say it in the bar and at the dinner table and when some asshole questions why you aren’t standing during the National Anthem. When you have hundreds of veterans just like you joined with thousands of civilians that want a goddamned answer you say it in the streets. Maybe the New York Times never hears it, but for the first time you hear yourself say it and You don’t just say (it) a twenty foot long banner says it. You don’t just say it you sing it and you scream it.  “WHY?”

Garett Reppenhagen OIF Veteran US Army 1st Infantry reppenhagen@gmail.com

Help support our community and work by donating to our Indiegogo Campaign

15 Lessons from 15 Years of War

Preparing to give a talk to the Stop the War coalition in the UK, I’ve reflected on 15 years of war. I spent the first five years in the military and most of the time since then working to transform our militaristic society...
IVAW National's picture

Iraq Veterans Against the War Statement on Orlando Massacre

We grieve for those who lost their lives Sunday morning in a bigoted, hate-fueled attack in Orlando, Florida. People - mainly Latinx and Black people - were targeted and killed simply because they were members of the LGBTQ+...

From Right to Left, a Vets Perspective

     Though it feels somewhat arrogant, I must begin by stating that I am a combat vet. I don’t speak about it often, and even then, only in small snippets. I don’t really feel a need to describe my experiences to others, as...

Lakbay Lumad Solidarity Statement

As the members of the Lakbay Lumad delegation near the end of their time in the U.S., we stand in solidarity with the indigenous leaders from the Philippines here to expose U.S.-sponsored violence against their...

168:01 Poetic, Political, & Useful

Iraqi-born artist Wafaa Bilal’s new project 168:01 is one of the most poetic, political, and useful artworks of the last decade. Through the project he highlights and acknowledges the destruction of the cultural history of...
IVAW National's picture

IVAW Statement on Recent Terror Attacks

 IVAW Statement on Recent Attacks in Lebanon, Afghanistan, France, Iraq, & Nigeria   Our hearts and thoughts go out to the victims and families who have suffered from the acts of brutality committed in Beirut, Paris,...

Pages

  • « First
  • ‹ Prev
  • 1
  • 2
  • 3
  • 4
  • 5
  • 6
  • 7
  • 8
  • 9
  • …
  • Next ›
  • Last »

Supporter Newsletter!

Donations

Make a single donation or become an IVAW sustainer by making your donation a recurring one. Please consider making your generous gift right now.
Donate Online Today!

Speaker Request

Please be advised that we get many speaker requests, but regret that we are sometimes unable to fill them.
Speaker Request

Joining IVAW

Iraq Veterans Against the War is open to Active Duty, National Guard and Reservists who have served since 09/11/2001.
Join IVAW

Navigation

  • About
  • Events
  • Campaigns
  • Committees
  • Chapters
  • Members
  • Resources
  • Contact