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Iraq Veterans Against the War has become About Face: Veterans Against the War. About Face can be found at aboutfaceveterans.org

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Veteran of War: A Poem

published by Jennifer Cole on 11/10/14 11:43am

It is very difficult for me to form words that can accurately express how I feel. Poetry has been one of the most effective ways for me to communicate my feelings, but it can only express symbolically how I feel. Being a veteran isn't easy, but I will touch on that tomorrow when I post another poem. Today, I wanted to share a poem that expressed the totality of how I feel on any given day. It is not easy to read, but it wasn't easy to write either. 

Veteran of War

I feel like my soul has built up a damn

I don’t know how to break it or change it

I’ve had this deep sense of despair

I can’t shake it and I can’t let it out

As the emotions sit inside me they churn into rage

I feel sadness and anger build up behind my eyes

But nothing will come out

No matter how heartbroken I feel

Nor how many tears build up behind my eyes

The damn will not break

The war I experienced still echoes on this earth

The Iraqis have been poisoned by our weapons

Bombs are once again being dropped on Iraq

And I can’t do a fucking thing about it

I can’t stop all the death

I can’t protect the Iraqis

I can’t take back my going there

I can’t end the suffering

I constantly fear Iraq

I remember it every day

Different events that occurred

Fires, bombs, conversations, fears, and realizations

I will never again be that naïve woman who got on the plane at 22

I will never be able bodied and of sound mind like I was then

I don’t know how to overcome these memories that erupt from my mind

I don’t know how reconcile with feeling like a coward

I didn’t want to go

I would have done almost anything to get out of it

But I didn’t run

I followed my orders

I made friendships and I lost a friend

I felt more fear than I ever felt in my life

And I can’t even express the terror

I can’t express it completely through words, art, or physically

The fear breached all levels of my communication

It sticks with me like tar

I feel like my body and mind have turned against me

They no longer work with me

My body is a vessel that is constantly broken

I am in constant pain all day and all night

There is no ceasing my pain

I can only ebb it

Fatigue weighs on me like Kevlar gear in the hot sun

The simplest of tasks now require more than I have to give

I feel pathetic and incapable

I have a soul that is independent

Trapped in a body

And controlled by a mind

That are dependent

To see other poems and works about war and what it is like to be a veteran, please see http://lezvet.blogspot.com/

Afghanistan: The Other War of Aggression That Needs to End

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Remembering Ethan Kreutzer

On Thursday, October 30th we lost a member of our community to his own hands. Ethan Kreutzer was a member of IVAW Bay Area who served in the Army from 2002 to 2004. He was a veteran of the war in Afghanistan. He left a...
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Veteran's Day Poem

On Veteran's Day, schools and government agencies would sound a one minute alarm on the eleven hour, of the eleventh day, of the eleventh month. I have not heard this call for remembrance for over eleven years. Growing up I...
Jennifer Cole's picture

Veteran of War: A Poem

It is very difficult for me to form words that can accurately express how I feel. Poetry has been one of the most effective ways for me to communicate my feelings, but it can only express symbolically how I feel. Being a...

Cry Justice for Jennifer

By Ramon Mejia As a former US Marine, I am disgusted to learn about the killing of Filipina transgender woman Jennifer Laude in Olongapo City, with USMC Private Joseph Scott Pemberton as the prime suspect. I am saddened...

Remembering Jacob George

We lost an important member of our community with Jacob George's passing last week. His contribution to both our movement and to the many people that he shared his experiences, music and unbridled spirit with is impossible...

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