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Iraq Veterans Against the War has become About Face: Veterans Against the War. About Face can be found at aboutfaceveterans.org

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Veteran of War: A Poem

published by Jennifer Cole on 11/10/14 11:43am

It is very difficult for me to form words that can accurately express how I feel. Poetry has been one of the most effective ways for me to communicate my feelings, but it can only express symbolically how I feel. Being a veteran isn't easy, but I will touch on that tomorrow when I post another poem. Today, I wanted to share a poem that expressed the totality of how I feel on any given day. It is not easy to read, but it wasn't easy to write either. 

Veteran of War

I feel like my soul has built up a damn

I don’t know how to break it or change it

I’ve had this deep sense of despair

I can’t shake it and I can’t let it out

As the emotions sit inside me they churn into rage

I feel sadness and anger build up behind my eyes

But nothing will come out

No matter how heartbroken I feel

Nor how many tears build up behind my eyes

The damn will not break

The war I experienced still echoes on this earth

The Iraqis have been poisoned by our weapons

Bombs are once again being dropped on Iraq

And I can’t do a fucking thing about it

I can’t stop all the death

I can’t protect the Iraqis

I can’t take back my going there

I can’t end the suffering

I constantly fear Iraq

I remember it every day

Different events that occurred

Fires, bombs, conversations, fears, and realizations

I will never again be that naïve woman who got on the plane at 22

I will never be able bodied and of sound mind like I was then

I don’t know how to overcome these memories that erupt from my mind

I don’t know how reconcile with feeling like a coward

I didn’t want to go

I would have done almost anything to get out of it

But I didn’t run

I followed my orders

I made friendships and I lost a friend

I felt more fear than I ever felt in my life

And I can’t even express the terror

I can’t express it completely through words, art, or physically

The fear breached all levels of my communication

It sticks with me like tar

I feel like my body and mind have turned against me

They no longer work with me

My body is a vessel that is constantly broken

I am in constant pain all day and all night

There is no ceasing my pain

I can only ebb it

Fatigue weighs on me like Kevlar gear in the hot sun

The simplest of tasks now require more than I have to give

I feel pathetic and incapable

I have a soul that is independent

Trapped in a body

And controlled by a mind

That are dependent

To see other poems and works about war and what it is like to be a veteran, please see http://lezvet.blogspot.com/

Geoff Millard's picture

Fox Be Damned: Why a Packers Victory is the People’s Victory

IVAW DC Chapter's demilitarized super bowl party covered in The NationFox Be Damned: Why a Packers Victory is the People’s VictoryThe 2011 Super Bowl was between the Green Bay Packers and the Pittsburgh Steelers—two squads...

“A ship is safe in harbor but that is not where a ship is meant to be.” By Liam Madden

On behalf of the nine IVAW members who made it to Key Largo, Florida for an unforgettable sailing expedition, I submit to the curious and adventurous among us a brief recap. It started on an awkward foot, I announced to the...

VETERANS AND GIS ORGANIZING AT FORT HOOD

This article is about the current organizing effort by IVAW Members and Under the Hood Members at Ft. Hood, Texas was written by Siri Margerin, a CivSol member from San Francisco As the buses roll by, a small...

VETERANS AND GIS ORGANIZING AT FORT HOOD

This article is about the current organizing effort by IVAW Members and Under the Hood Members at Ft. Hood, Texas was written by Siri Margerin, a CivSol member from San Francisco As the buses roll by, a small...
Jose Vasquez's picture

Tunisia's Spark & Egypt's Flame

By Phyllis Bennis, Institute for Policy Studies and IVAW Advisory Committee. "Is this how empires end, with people flooding the streets, demanding the resignation of their leaders and forcing local dictators out?"...
Jose Vasquez's picture

Tunisia's Spark & Egypt's Flame

By Phyllis Bennis, Institute for Policy Studies and IVAW Advisory Committee. "Is this how empires end, with people flooding the streets, demanding the resignation of their leaders and forcing local dictators out?"...

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