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Remembering April - A Poem

published by Jennifer Cole on 04/22/15 4:02pm
Posted to: 
New York City

Anniversaries can be a difficult time for some. April kicks of months of painful memories and each year I feel like I relive my deployment in 2003.   

 

Sitting at a table in a restaurant, I get a call
“Get your bags ready, you’re going.” Is all the voice says
I wonder if they are as nervous giving the news as I am hearing it
I know this was it
The last time I’ll see my neighbors,
The last time I’ll eat at a nice restaurant
My worst fear has come to fruition
 
I go through my bags,
Double checking each necessary item
Not knowing how long I’ll need them for
Toothbrush, check
Toothpaste, check
Wet wipes, check
Courage, well I know that’s around here somewhere
 
Standing in the line, I see the massive, gleaming plane
I want to run
I want to come up with some reason why I can’t go
But I know, there is no effective excuse, and I know deep down I won’t use one
I move forward, wondering if the person in front of me feels the same fear
Fear weighs me down with each step closer to the plane’s door
 
Standing, dazed from the jetlag, amongst the burning sands
I listen to my commander talk about our trek to someplace in Iraq
Excitement and nostalgia ring from his voice
Memories of the brave men of yesteryear gleam in his eyes
I slap a bug off my face and listen to the marines talking to my right
Where I was seemed like hell, where I was going was actually hell
 
Morning’s cool air brushes past my face as I swing myself up into the back of a 5-ton
I watch from the back as we cross the border from Kuwait to Iraq
The excitement of it has started to infect me
I think of how the American soldiers in Vietnam rode, like me
Into a war they were told to serve in proudly
I watch as the children ran after us, yelling in their language for food
Their fingers motioning to their mouths as they rub their bellies
Men drove in truck-loads with riffles strapped to their sides
Their eyes burning hatred through my uniform and pride
 
The ride ends with gut-wrenching news
A friend is dead and another is hurt
Our tears barely make it past the squelching heat before they dry on the desert earth
Some of us scream, others walk around dazed
Me? I cry and walk in a daze talking to those nearest me, then I shove it away
 
I shoved it all away into a footlocker until after I came home
That’s when the lock broke

'War Is Not a Game' Book Event- NYC, November 10th

'War is Not A Game' Book Event with Author Nan Levinson Join us for a reception and discussion with Tufts University lecturer and author Nan Levinson on her recent book War Is Not A Game: The New Antiwar Soldiers and...
Jennifer Cole's picture

Remembering April - A Poem

Anniversaries can be a difficult time for some. April kicks of months of painful memories and each year I feel like I relive my deployment in 2003.      Sitting at a table in a restaurant, I get a call “Get your...
Jennifer Cole's picture

They Suffer Still: The Children of Iraq

Recently I have seen an increase in news reports on Iraqi children being murdered, abused, or enslaved by ISIS members. I do not read these articles, because the titles alone tear at my heart. The children I saw in Iraq...
Jennifer Cole's picture

I Hate: A Poem

I wrote this poem this morning after trying to fill out even more VA Compensation paperwork and seeing one too many commercials for preventing veteran suicide and for the new film "American Sniper". Life just becomes so...

Senators, Constituents, & ISIS, Oh My!

I completely understand that our government officials are busy making decisions for our country and earning money from their constituents, but is it hard to have an answering machine or multi-line phone system? Is it also...

Tonight: AVAW Tour Comes to NYC!

Tuesday, August 30, 2011 - 6:30pm NYU Hagop Kevorkian Center for Near East Studies 50 Washington Sq. S. (Entrance on Sullivan St.) New York, NY Appetizers from Khyber Pass Restaurant (Afghan food) will be served...

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