Andrew Sapp
Like so many, I joined the military after high school largely for economic reasons--a job, training, the GI Bill. That was in 1976, a year after the end of the Vietnam War. Most of my senior petty officers (I started out in the Navy) were combat vets--gunboats, Seebees, shore station personnel, corpsmen, Seals. I saw first hand the effects that the war had on them. Over the course of my years of service, active duty Navy and Army Reserve/NG, I always felt that the military would never again allow itself to be used in the way it had been; in fact, I saw many times during the '80s & '90s when the top brass actually preached caution and restraint. 2001 changed all that.
9/11 turned into Afghanistan, and even I was somewhat ambivalent. But by January of '02 I saw the ramp-up to Iraq begin. Listening to the lies spewing out of Washington was like watching a train wreck; the invasion of '03 was orchestrated long, long before. When my Guard unit was called up in '04, my wife and I talked about what could be done to get out of it, but I knew (as did she) that I'd have to go. I needed to be with my unit--my friends and the troops under me. So I went to a war I didn't believe in, which I knew was unjust and illegal.
My tour was less intense than many; I served as the NCOIC for a guard shift at a small FOB north of Tikrit. We were mortared, rocketed, and shot at, and IEDs were all around us, but that was about the extent of it. Nevertheless, everything I saw only reinforced my convictions about the war. I began blogging against the occupation even before I left Iraq, and I went to my first protest (on Boston Common) a week after returning home. For the next two years, I actively worked for an end to this brutality.
But my tour also messed me up. I was diagnosed with PTSD two months after my return, and have spent the last nine years first of all getting it under control and then managing it on a daily basis. In late 2007 I scaled back my activism to almost nothing so I could continue the work of trying to piece my life back together. It's still an ever-present part of my life, but I've been lucky to have a wonderfully supportive wife & family and a marvelous VA psychologist.
[2014 update: I finally had to throw in the towel and leave teaching at the end of the school year. Managing PTSD became more and more problematic, and I finally had to admit that I was no longer the teacher I was, could be, or that the students deserved.]
I joined IVAW while still in country, was active in the organization for several years, and have always considered myself a member and committed to its goals. Over the past year, I've been gradually moving towards a return to activism, albeit without as much anger & bitterness as I had before. I'm certainly older (I've always been one of the older people at meetings and actions), and I don't know if I'm any wiser; but I am committed. Ending the war is still a priority, but caring for those of us who bear its scars is going to occupy us for the remainder of our lives. And, my hope has always been that, as a nation, we can atone for this war through reparations and material support of the Iraqi people. Peace.
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