Dr. Hanover,
In late April of 2007, my friend Eva scheduled me for an appointment with an intake social worker at the Veterans’ Administration Hospital in Manhattan. Eva felt that it would be beneficial for me to seek treatment there, despite my repeatedly having told her that I do not trust the VA. My distrust of the VA was based on the treatment (or lack thereof) that I received at the Boston-area hospital, way back in 2005; and my experiences this past spring have further solidified and exacerbated that distrust.

When the social worker inquired as to the reasons for Eva’s having made the appointment, I truthfully informed her that it was because I had made known (via my blog) that I was considering terminating my life. The social worker then brought me down to the emergency room to see the on-duty psychiatrist, a cold-hearted bitch of the highest order. The psychiatrist didn’t bother to ask about how I was feeling or what I was experiencing, she merely informed me that she was going to prescribe for me anti-depressants.

As soon as the woman had verified what she wanted to hear, that I was having recurrent thoughts of suicide, she told me that I had the “choice” of voluntarily admitting myself to the psych ward or of being involuntarily incarcerated. When I informed her that I preferred to do neither, that I preferred to leave the hospital and go on my merry way, she picked up the phone and called for security. Four big burly security guards armed with 9mm pistols immediately showed up outside the door of her office, ready and willing to use any and all force to subdue short skinny me. Given my limited available options at the time, I chose to “voluntarily” admit myself; in hopes of being released from there sooner rather than later.

(While my vitals were being taken in the emergency room, one of the guards had the audacity to approach me and state, “Thank you for being a veteran.” This comment upset me for many reasons, but I digress.)

The psychologist assigned to my case was Dr. Delgado, who saw me for a maximum cumulative total of one hour for the entire duration of that period. The rest of the time I was left to my own devices, and was given the options of sedating my mind with television or crappy novels; as the staff have an unstated mission of ensuring that suitable intellectual stimuli are not made available to the prisoners. I was not allowed any visitors, nor was I given permission to make use of the gym facilities. Although I specifically requested vegetarian meals, the trays that were handed to me at breakfast, lunch, and dinner did not contain sufficient foodstuffs to qualify as a meal; and of course, in the great tradition of American hospitals, they barely qualified as food. In fact, the amount of inedibles on my tray (such as Styrofoam and plastic utensils, saran wrap, and that processed orange crap that everyone calls “cheese”) disproportionately outweighed the edibles.

Since my admission to ward 17N of the hospital was classified as “voluntary,” I was able to secure my release two days later by successfully convincing Dr. Delgado that I am a reasonably well-balanced individual, and that “I find the universe to be a happy joyous place filled with all kinds of things that make me smile, like sunshine and puppies and rainbows and unicorns and pink bubblegum and dead cops.” My release from the ward was on the condition that I begin one-on-one counseling sessions with you, Dr. Ronald Hanover, as my clinical psychologist.

You did not wish to discuss my four-year period of military service. You did not wish to discuss my six-month deployment to Afghanistan or the year that I spent in Iraq. You did not wish to discuss the symptoms of post-traumatic stress disorder that I have been experiencing since my discharge from the Army. Instead, you chose to ask probing and pointless questions about my childhood and teenage years, explaining that you “need to understand the background that led to my enlistment.” I have since found out that this is a lie, that clinical psychologists working for the Veterans’ Administration have a habit of diagnosing combat veterans with “childhood problems” and/or “personality disorders.” This is being done so that the VA can claim it as a pre-existing condition and thereby relieve the government of its obligation to honor the promise that it has made, that it will take care of the people whom it has sent to fight its wars.

Think I’m bullshitting? Think I’m being paranoid and delusional? Count the zeroes!
Annual budget for the Department of Defense - $600,000,000,000
Annual budget for the Department of Veterans’ Affairs - $73,000,000,000
Supplemental funding for DoD, 2007 - $120,000,000,000 (twenty-billion in pork)
Supplemental funding for VA, 2007 - $150,000,000
Bonuses for VA executives, 2006 - $368,000,000
Amount of veterans on any given night without a roof over their heads – 200,000

Dear Dr. Hanover,
In the immortal words of United States Marine Corps Sergeant Adam Kokesh: Please, kindly, go fuck yourself.

Sincerely,
Sholom Keller
U.S. Army Veteran
101st Airborne Division (Air Assault)